When my son was born I really thought that my job as a mother was to be perfect and strive to absolute perfection. Anything less than perfect was wrong. I would think that my job was to “educate” other moms on what they did wrong.
I’m not proud of it.
I’m actually really ashamed of it.
I needed to grow up as a mother and a woman to realise the other women are my tribe , my village. Not my enemy.
I look at my daughter and I want her to grow up to be strong, independent and compassionate. I want her to be who she wants to be, to be proud and to see other women as her allies.
Its not easy living in the modern world.
Why am I writing about this? Well this morning I went to the shop. To buy some groceries. I passed the isle with baking supplies. A mother of 3 who I know from the playpark was there. She was hiding a box of pre-made cake mix under her shopping. The other mothers giving her a nasty look. As of if she was planning on poisoning little Johnny’s kindergarten class.
I could see and sense her guilt that she is making this cake out of a premixed packet, 8 years ago I would judge her, pledged to making organic non GMO cakes I would disown her and never acknowledge her existence.
But now? Now I felt I needed to have her back. I walked up to her, smiled , grabbed a box of Betty’s best and said the loudest I could
” For 12 years my mother in law praised my carrot cake…if only she knew”
And I winked at her. She smiled back. And very proudly walked over to the checkouts.
I’m done with judging other people, I’m done with trying to be better and bigger and having more.
I need my village and I want to be a village to anyone who needs one.
So next time you think you have the right and need to judge others by their looks or their possessions or that you know how they should live their lives, look at yourself first. We have no idea what other mothers, women are going through. Until you are her you need to be supportive and be her village. Be the village as one day you may need the village too.
Love and light.